Why can’t I stand the noise when nobody else minds?

Why does it hurt when others seem fine?

In a restaurant, everyone else is chatting happily, but to you the voices from every table blur together. You can’t follow what the person opposite is saying, and you can’t settle. This may come down to sensory differences. Other people being comfortable doesn’t mean you should be. That said, finding noise hard doesn’t on its own tell you whether you’re autistic.

Sensory differences mean reacting to sound, light, smell or touch differently from most people — sometimes much more strongly, sometimes much less. The same person might love their favourite songs and be thrown by a sudden announcement. What you want to pin down is which sensation, where, and what it does to you.

You could put it like this: “It’s not every sound. When several people talk at once, I can’t pick out what you’re saying. Could we move somewhere quieter?” Saying what it does to you and what you need gets you further than arguing about whether the room is really that loud.

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Why is it fine in the morning but unbearable by afternoon?

Picture this: a packed bus in the morning, phones ringing all day at the office, lunch somewhere noisy. By the time a colleague comes over in the afternoon, you’re already running on empty. Looking at the whole day, not just the moment you snapped, makes it easier to see what to change — eating lunch somewhere quieter, say, or blocking out some time without interruptions.

Of course, afternoon exhaustion isn’t always about the senses. Sleep, feeling unwell and workload all play a part. Rather than rating how sensitive you are, jot down a few specific situations and what made a difference when you changed something.

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What helps when it’s already too much?

If you can leave safely, go somewhere quieter first. At home, turn off the TV nobody’s watching and get people to stop crowding round with questions. Whoever’s with them can ask, “Want to step outside for a bit?” A nod or a point is answer enough. They don’t need to explain why right then.

Don’t assume a hug, leading them away by the hand or putting headphones on them will help — ask first. If it’s a child, someone still needs to keep an eye on them. And think about where you are before using headphones: crossing a road or listening for safety announcements means they still need to hear what’s going on around them.

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How do you find a change that actually helps?

Once things have settled, pick a situation that keeps coming up and try changing one thing. Sit further from the speaker in meetings, for example, or cut out the label that scratches. Then see what happens: is it easier, no different, or is something else bothering you now? Don’t change too much at once, or you won’t know which thing helped.

If you get new pain, notice changes in your hearing, or have ongoing discomfort that’s really affecting your life, see a doctor. You can adjust your surroundings and get things checked at the same time. You don’t have to settle on one cause first.

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