The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome

How to begin

Start with a question, such as missing details in spoken work instructions, then look at relevant language or employment sections. Ask which situation a suggestion addresses and whether you need a written task list, clarification time or something else. These are our reading suggestions, not claims that every example in the book applies to you.

Directions for your reading

• Concepts and recognition: place terminology in its historical context.
• Communication, emotions and senses: choose one current concern.
• Life after school and long-term relationships: extend learning into adulthood.

Questions to take with you

• How does this example match or differ from my situation?
• Who would need to do what, and what alternative is possible if this approach cannot be used?

Further reading

1. Your child says other kids are picking on them. What do you do next?

   Listen to what your child tells you, find out what happened, and pin protection down to specific people and times of day. Your child doesn’t have to give a perfect account before they deserve help.

2. Starting university: what happens to the help you used to rely on?

   Being good at your subject and being able to run a whole week of your life are two different things. Work through where you’ll live, how you’ll spend time outside classes, who to ask when something goes wrong and how involved your family will be — so the help you had follows you into your new life.

3. “But you managed fine at work” — so why is there nothing left at home?

   Coping during the day doesn’t mean there’s energy left in the evening. Look beyond who does tonight’s chores to who keeps track, plans ahead and finishes things off, so both people’s effort is seen.

4. I don’t have to go to work any more. Why is it so hard to organise my days?

   When work stops, you don’t just lose the tasks. You can also lose the shape of your day, regular contact with people and a familiar role. Work out what you want to hold on to, then gradually find a new rhythm.

5. My child will only eat a handful of foods. Where do I start?

   Separate three things: how many foods your child eats, how much actually goes in, and what makes mealtimes hard. Keep the foods they accept, check for physical causes, then work out what help suits them.

6. Interviews keep going badly. Does that mean I can’t do the job?

   Struggling in interviews doesn’t mean you can’t work. Separate the skills the job needs from what trips you up in interviews, prepare real examples, ask for specific changes — and know what you can still discuss if the employer can’t make them.

7. Everyday life is getting harder as I get older. What should I check first?

   Look separately at lifelong traits, new health problems and changes in the help around you. You can look into the cause and still keep a say in your own life.

8. What is autism, and why does it look so different in different people?

   Get clear on what autism and Asperger syndrome mean, then look at communication, the senses and daily life. Recognising yourself in a few descriptions isn’t the same as an assessment.

9. Why can’t I stand the noise when nobody else minds?

   The same noise can feel completely different to different people. Work out what exactly is getting to you, then try moving, cutting down distractions or stepping out for a bit.

10. We both want to get along. Why do we keep misunderstanding each other?

    From saying clearly what you’re asking for and giving people time to answer, to how adults can pause an argument, get back in touch and make up: how do you allow for difficulty communicating without leaving important things hanging?

11. I can do the job. So why is being at work so hard?

    Work out whether the problem is the task itself, unclear instructions, or a working environment that makes it hard to get anything done. Use one specific task to talk to your manager about a change, then check whether it actually happened.

12. Is it always easier to talk with people who are like you?

    Getting the message across isn’t the same as feeling at ease. We look at two studies of adults, what they actually measured, and why a diagnosis can’t choose your friends for you.

13. I want friends, but I don’t want to be chatting all the time

    You’d like friends, but constant chatting is too much. How do you get started and keep it going? From making the first invitation to how often you reply, being turned down and clearing up misunderstandings — finding a way of being friends that works for both of you.

14. Starting secondary school: what else needs preparing besides learning the way round?

    Being able to do the work and find the classrooms doesn’t mean your child is ready for a whole new school day. Prepare for getting around, homework, breaks and asking for help together — and let your child have a say in what help they get.