Knowledge & everyday questions

“I have friends, so why am I always so exhausted?” Starting from that question, we look at why some women are recognised late, what the research can and can’t tell us, and how to make sense of your own experiences and ask for help — without treating “this sounds just like me” as a diagnosis.

Turn “we’ll keep an eye on him” into a specific agreement: what will change, who’ll do it, how your child will use it, and when you’ll check whether it’s helping.

Struggling in interviews doesn’t mean you can’t work. Separate the skills the job needs from what trips you up in interviews, prepare real examples, ask for specific changes — and know what you can still discuss if the employer can’t make them.

The four groups in the paper come out of a research model. You can’t use them to sort yourself or your child, choose treatment or predict the future.

Getting the message across isn’t the same as feeling at ease. We look at two studies of adults, what they actually measured, and why a diagnosis can’t choose your friends for you.

When everyday things keep getting harder, you need to find out why and also take some of the load off. Research on burnout gives clues, but it’s no substitute for seeing a doctor.

When a plan changes, things that felt settled suddenly aren’t. Say what’s changed, what hasn’t, and decide the next step together.

Enjoying something is reason enough. It doesn’t have to become a skill. What’s worth talking about is time, meals, sleep, space and money.

Before you set off, check the queues, where you can take a break, who’s coming and how you’ll get home. If it gets too much, you can pause or leave early.

Get clear on what autism and Asperger syndrome mean, then look at communication, the senses and daily life. Recognising yourself in a few descriptions isn’t the same as an assessment.

Asperger syndrome is an older diagnostic name, now generally included in autism. Whether your old report still works, what you call yourself and what help you need are three separate questions.

From saying clearly what you’re asking for and giving people time to answer, to how adults can pause an argument, get back in touch and make up: how do you allow for difficulty communicating without leaving important things hanging?

The same noise can feel completely different to different people. Work out what exactly is getting to you, then try moving, cutting down distractions or stepping out for a bit.

Keeping a constant eye on your face, your gaze and what to say next takes a lot of energy. Work out which part is most tiring, then decide what you could do less of.

Work out whether the problem is the task itself, unclear instructions, or a working environment that makes it hard to get anything done. Use one specific task to talk to your manager about a change, then check whether it actually happened.

You’d like friends, but constant chatting is too much. How do you get started and keep it going? From making the first invitation to how often you reply, being turned down and clearing up misunderstandings — finding a way of being friends that works for both of you.

A self-test can help you decide whether to seek a proper assessment, but a score can’t diagnose you. Check which questionnaire you’re using, note down how things affect your life, and take that to the right service.

The school says everything’s fine, but your child falls apart the moment they get home. Find out what happened during the day, then work out how they can recover after school and what needs to change at school.

Coping during the day doesn’t mean there’s energy left in the evening. Look beyond who does tonight’s chores to who keeps track, plans ahead and finishes things off, so both people’s effort is seen.

Find the exact point where your child gets stuck, then try one change they can accept. Whether it’s bath time, homework or school, you can start the same way.

From knocking before you go in and helping with getting dressed to the personal care they can’t do without: arrangements your child can understand and have a say in, and a clear route to help if something doesn’t feel right.

Start by separating what you see from what you’re guessing. Then look at how pictures, gestures and AAC (augmentative and alternative communication) can help your child say what they want, say no, and put you right when you’ve misunderstood.

Look separately at lifelong traits, new health problems and changes in the help around you. You can look into the cause and still keep a say in your own life.

When work stops, you don’t just lose the tasks. You can also lose the shape of your day, regular contact with people and a familiar role. Work out what you want to hold on to, then gradually find a new rhythm.

Noise gets to you and you tire easily, but you still want to see exhibitions, meet friends and go to work. How do you plan for that? Find the hardest step, then work out the timing, the place and how you’ll take breaks.

Meeting one child’s extra needs shouldn’t mean your other children are always left waiting. Talk separately about feelings, time together and responsibilities, so each child has a life of their own and some say in how close they are to their brother or sister.

Being able to do the work and find the classrooms doesn’t mean your child is ready for a whole new school day. Prepare for getting around, homework, breaks and asking for help together — and let your child have a say in what help they get.

Being good at your subject and being able to run a whole week of your life are two different things. Work through where you’ll live, how you’ll spend time outside classes, who to ask when something goes wrong and how involved your family will be — so the help you had follows you into your new life.

Separate three things: how many foods your child eats, how much actually goes in, and what makes mealtimes hard. Keep the foods they accept, check for physical causes, then work out what help suits them.

First find out which part of the school day is hard and what’s going wrong, then work out specific help with the school. Look at attendance, learning and wellbeing together — getting through the school gate isn’t the same as the problem being solved.

Listen to what your child tells you, find out what happened, and pin protection down to specific people and times of day. Your child doesn’t have to give a perfect account before they deserve help.

First ask what exactly needs to change and what it would fix. Take other people’s boundaries seriously; requests that are only about looking like everyone else are open to discussion.